Gratitude is a river, not drops – Belle Heywood

Gratitude is a river, not drops….by Belle Heywood

Suddenly,
i’m learning that
gratitude is a river,
not drops

If i give you only a drop
i am lying.
i am holding back.

If i describe what you have given
in parts, in bits,
how unloving that is!

you are all bread- not this crumb and that
even all bread doesn’t describe or contain you
nor a river !!!! – oh i am so wrong !

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
if i thank you for one thing- i am wrong-
and yet if i don’t thank you – totally wrong also !

There are no separate incidents, there are no separate ‘things’ to thank for
there are no things at all..
no isolated acts..

but
my small mind breaks you down
into bite sizes..
that i can ‘handle’
(is this only because i am too scared to completely unite /be annihilated in you..? )
and so my thanks remains small, partial, pointable, wordable…

it is a jealous and mean act to thank you for a few things… !

only ego MANAGES love

but LOVE CAN’T BE MANAGED !

how could i ever thank you for Your Grace-

YOU who are constant, continuous,
inseparable-unchanging-unfixed,
unbreakdownable,
not the sum of parts,
not partable,
there is no metaphor or example for you

i want to say you are a flat unending, indestructible line – like the line on a screen when someone’s heart has stopped beating

or the sky

but

you are
not any ‘thing’ at all.

~ Belle Heywood

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